If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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