its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
