she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
