He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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