Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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