Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
