We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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