i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
