What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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