what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
