i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
