there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
