U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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