Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
