I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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