i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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