last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
