Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
two words: eviction party
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
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I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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