We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
