She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
