I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
