my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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