Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
