My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
