True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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