i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
