im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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