Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
