Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
