after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
