I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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