well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
