I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
