she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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