God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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