I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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