my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
