Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
