I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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