so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
