Cold hands, warm shart.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
