Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
