he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
