dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
