Already got asked if we're dating
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
