I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
