Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
