You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You need a sexual gate keeper
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize