i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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