You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
