I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
