Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I am morally bankrupt
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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