A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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