Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize