He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need to sanitize my soul.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
