: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
