I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize