im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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