went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
