Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
