Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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