Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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