guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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