dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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