I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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