Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
