can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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