We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
