i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
