i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
