Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
